


never be alone

by daisiesforjjunie



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: M/M, Sad Yeonjun, Super angsty, but this is a non-idol txt au, except for yeonjun, if thats a thing, none of the boys became trainees, okay not thatttt angsty, platonic or romantic u choose, soobin is best boi, very sad yeonjun, yeonjun is in a job slump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:41:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25671496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daisiesforjjunie/pseuds/daisiesforjjunie
Summary: “Anyways, Yeonjun hyung is still cool,” Taehyun said, as if it was a fact everyone should know.“Yeah, it doesn’t matter if he’s still dancing with BTS or not, he’ll always be our cool hyung!” Kai piped up.Yeonjun tried to cover up his wince, the words rolling out of Kai’s mouth stinging his heart a little bit.
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Comments: 2
Kudos: 69





	never be alone

**Author's Note:**

> hi hi! same thing, if you liked this angsty one shot, pls leave a kudos or a comment! i wrote this when i was sad and feeling exactly what jjunie was feeling here so ya :( also, this is all entirely fictional. there is no way in hell jjunie would've never debuted, but for the sake of the plot, let's just assume that the rookie development team in this au are very dumb and blind. 
> 
> follow me on twit and come talk to me! @AWAKETXT <3

Yeonjun wondered how it was possible that all his friends were so achieved at a young age. 

Soobin, who had always done well in school, was recently accepted into one of the top Seoul universities with the full intention of studying psychology. Beomgyu, whose band’s new album was skyrocketing the charts both locally and internationally. Taehyun, who had graduated high school earlier than most people his age, was now entering the same university as Soobin (not forgetting the full ride scholarship he had). Kai, who was at the peak of his musician career, thanks to the really popular YouTube channel he had with his sister. 

And then there was Yeonjun... just being Yeonjun. 

Sure, he had dancing gigs once in a while, but it was starting to get difficult since the pandemic had caused all of his gigs and performances to be cancelled. Out of everyone in the group, Yeonjun probably felt the impact of the pandemic the hardest. He now spent most of his days moping around at his parents’ house, occasionally helping out with chores and stuff but never actually doing  _ anything.  _

Meanwhile, his younger friends were all busy with their own lives. They were all so busy that Yeonjun had to beg all of them to free up one day. One day so that they could all meet up, talk and eat like how they used to when they were younger. 

Once, he was their older hyung that they all looked up to. 

"You were always so cool," Soobin reminded him over dinner with the group, smiling warmly at Yeonjun. 

That smile would usually make Yeonjun feel all dizzy and lightheaded. He loved compliments like that and his friends were well aware of it. How could they forget how cool Yeonjun was? When they were all growing up together, the eldest was always the one doing cool things like being an idol trainee, performing on stage with senior artists and dance crews alike. 

But that comment just made Yeonjun’s skin crawl and his heart even more hollow than it already was. The blonde just smiled tightly back, shoving a piece of pork in his mouth even though his appetite was slowly disappearing. 

“Remember when you danced back up for BTS?” Beomgyu whistled lowly, “that was so cool! I can still remember us screaming at you from the seats way behind.” 

The boys (could Yeonjun even call them boys anymore?) around the table murmured with agreement.    
  
“The stadium was so loud,” Kai chuckled, “I thought my ear drums were going to burst.” 

“You looked so cool too, hyung!” Beomgyu exclaimed. 

Yeonjun weakly smiled, “am I not cool now?”   
  


Beomgyu rolled his eyes playfully. He let out a sarcastic ‘no’, which made Soobin nudge him in the ribs. The two squealed, quarrelling in their own little bubble. Other customers in the restaurant glanced over their own shoulders, glaring disapprovingly at Soobin and Beomgyu bickering. 

Taehyun smacked the both of them on their shoulders, “stop it! People are staring.” 

Huffing, Beomgyu shoved Soobin gently on the shoulder. 

“Anyways, Yeonjun hyung is still cool,” Taehyun said, as if it was a fact everyone should know. 

“Yeah, it doesn’t matter if he’s still dancing with BTS or not, he’ll always be our cool hyung!” Kai piped up. 

Yeonjun tried to cover up his wince, the words rolling out of Kai’s mouth stinging his heart a little bit.    
  


None of them really knew why Yeonjun left the back up dancer gig since he never actually told them the real reason why. He’d waved it off dismissively, saying that he left because he wanted to try dancing for other groups. Beomgyu had gaped at him unbelievably. Yeonjun could still hear the question ringing in his head, just like it happened yesterday.

_ “How could you leave dancing with BTS?”  _

_ “It was getting boring.” The elder shrugged, “I never wanted to be a backup dancer anyways.” _

In reality, Yeonjun didn’t leave. He wished he did have the choice to leave the backup dancer gig, but the ugly truth was that the new performance director didn’t like Yeonjun’s dancing. He thought Yeonjun stuck out too much, whatever that meant. 

Yeonjun had finally left the company altogether after six years of being a trainee. He was ready to bury the idol dream deep into the ground when the performance director removed him from the dance lineup. 

Maybe he wasn’t made for the whole idol thing. The whole idea of giving up wasn’t one that Yeonjun welcomed warmly, but he knew he had to accept. 

By then, Yeonjun had already been the oldest AND longest trainee at the company. If he was being completely honest, it was getting embarrassing. Yeonjun had to sit and watch as his younger counterparts climbed up the ladders, eventually kicking him off the #1 ranking he was always so proud of. 

It was going nowhere…  _ he  _ was going nowhere. Yeonjun was just spiralling further and further down this empty abyss of just confusion and loss. 

“What are you going to do now, hyung?” 

Kai had meant it as a harmless question, but to Yeonjun, it was a big tight slap across his face. He paled, his grip on his chopsticks tightening as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. 

His turtleneck seemed to shrink around his neck and his heart felt like it was shrivelling into itself, stopping Yeonjun’s blood from circulating. Also,  _ fuck _ , when did it get so warm in this restaurant?

Yeonjun couldn’t breathe. 

“Sorry,” he managed to choke out, pushing back his chair noisily. Dropping his chopsticks onto the floor, Yeonjun kept his head down as he stumbled out of the restaurant briskly. 

“Yeonjun hyung!” 

The older boy could hear his friends’ muffled calls for him, but he ignored them. Yeonjun didn’t know where he was going and he didn’t care. He just knew he needed to get out of there - away from all the questions, the hidden doubts and the silent judgements. 

* * *

His feet brought him to the Han River, something Yeonjun wasn’t surprised by. This was his spot and only his closest friends knew this was where he went to think. By the time Yeonjun settled down on the concrete ground, his cheeks were barely sticky with his tears. He pulled up his hood and curled into himself. 

The night was unusually quiet, an odd sight for the busy area. When Yeonjun felt the droplets of rain hit his head, he began to realize why. 

He gazed up at the night sky, watching as the dark sky was void of stars and replaced with raindrops. Yeonjun knew he should probably move and find some shelter, but he stayed rooted to the ground. 

Laughing humorlessly to himself, Yeonjun shook his head. 

The sky was almost taunting Yeonjun, which he knew he kind of deserved. 

Yeonjun remained on the ground as he felt his clothes slowly get drenched, the phone in his pocket tucked away in his already wet pocket. 

“Hyungie?” 

Of course. Of course Soobin would come after him. 

  
“Hyung!” Soobin yelled over the noise of the pouring rain, “hyung! It’s raining!”

“I know,” Yeonjun deadpanned, not taking his eyes off from the river in front of him. 

“So why are you still out here?” 

Yeonjun shrugged, “I don’t know.”

Soobin stared at the back of his friend’s head, both his hands holding onto the umbrella above his head tightly. He chewed on his bottom lip, trying to figure out what was going on with Yeonjun. 

Something was off about Yeonjun during the dinner, Soobin knew that much. He didn’t really know what exactly was wrong but when he saw the way Yeonjun reacted to Kai’s question, the realization began to form in his head. 

Even with his busy schedule, Soobin had spent some of his free time wondering about his older friend. They didn’t have to be close together physically to know that something was off about Yeonjun. He had been that way ever since he left the company. 

His usually bright and enthusiastic older hyung was suddenly quiet, only speaking whenever he was spoken to. During the dinner, Yeonjun had spent more time eating than actually speaking. 

Soobin sighed and stepped forward so that he was standing beside Yeonjun’s huddled figure. He paid no attention to the wet ground as he flopped down, settling down beside his older friend. Soobin lifted the umbrella so that it covered both of them. 

“What are you doing?” Yeonjun asked, side-eyeing Soobin. 

“I don’t know,” Soobin said lightheartedly, “I guess I’ll just sit here with you.” 

No matter how much Yeonjun tried to hide it, he couldn’t help his cold body from shivering. Despite his layers of clothing, Yeonjun felt chilled to the bone. Not only was it incredibly cold that night but his drenched clothes were now sticking to his skin. Water droplets ran down his body from his wet hair, sending shivers down Yeonjun’s back. 

Soobin could feel Yeonjun’s shivering and he sighed again, his heart yearning to comfort his friend. He tried to slide off his own jacket for Yeonjun, balancing the handle of the umbrella in his hands as he wiggled about. 

Yeonjun frowned, “why are you -”

“You’re cold!” Soobin exclaimed, “it’s like ice cold out here so you should take my jacket.” 

“No, don’t,” Yeonjun protested, pulling Soobin’s hands away from himself. 

“You’re cold, hyung! And drenched, you’re going to catch a cold -” 

“Stop it!” Yeonjun yelled, making Soobin flinch suddenly. 

Soobin gaped at Yeonjun with wide eyes as the older boy glared at Soobin, tears gathering at the side of his almond-shaped eyes. Yeonjun seemed to snap out of his anger just as quick as he snapped, blinking frantically as he shook his head. 

“Sorry, sorry, I..” Yeonjun mumbled, his voice barely above a whisper, “sorry, I didn’t mean to yell at you.” 

Soobin stayed silent, cautiously leaning back as he watched Yeonjun curl back into himself. Only the sounds of the river crashing and the rain hitting the concrete ground accompanied their tense silence. 

“Fuck,” Yeonjun softly groaned, digging his hand into his hair. 

The silence caved when Soobin spoke. 

“Hyung.. What’s wrong?” 

Yeonjun lifted his head up from his hands, his dark eyes clouded with frustration. 

“Everything,” Yeonjun muttered in hoarsely, “everything is wrong and nothing is right.” 

Soobin frowned, tilting his head. 

“I don’t know what I’m doing, Soobin. I don’t know, I literally don’t know what I’m doing and everyone else is moving so fast and so far and I’m still here,” Yeonjun began to ramble, not being able to control the waves of tears rolling down his face. 

“Woah, woah, slow down, hyung,” Soobin shushed, placing his hand gently on the back of Yeonjun’s neck. 

As if on instinct, Yeonjun melted into the younger boy’s touch. He always knew how to comfort Yeonjun. 

“Take a deep breath, Yeonjun hyung. What do you mean everyone’s so far? We’re all still here.” 

Yeonjun let out a noise of frustration, “see? It’s the fact you don’t see it. You won’t get it, never mind.”   
  


“Then help me understand it,” Soobin urged, his soft eyes pleading as he tried to get Yeonjun to look at him. 

The older boy huffed, wiping vigorously at his cheeks. 

“Look at all of you. Look at everything you four have done this year. Then look at me,” Yeonjun chuckled darkly, “I’ve done absolutely nothing this year. And no matter who I talk to or where I go or what I see, I’m constantly reminded of it. Constantly reminded of how everyone else is moving forward and I’m going to be stuck here.. Doing nothing at all! Everyone else has so much in their lives and I have absolutely nothing.” 

“You don’t have nothing,” Soobin argued gently. 

“Don’t lie, Soobin. I’m a complete loser. I’m older than all of you but I’m the most useless one among us. I’m twenty two, fucking twenty two.” 

“Exactly, hyung, you’re twenty two,” Soobin pressed on, “it’s not the end! You still have time. Also, please stop talking about yourself like this. Don’t you dare talk down about yourself. You’ve done so much already, hyung. Seriously!”

Yeonjun shook his head, ready to counter back with a degrading remark when Soobin dropped the umbrella. Grabbing onto Yeonjun’s shoulders with both shoulders, Soobin forced Yeonjun’s body to face him. His right hand gripped the back of Yeonjun’s neck gently. 

“Hey, look at me,” Soobin softly said, “you’re not useless or a loser or anything like that. Hyung, you’re one of the coolest people I know. You’ve done so much before you even turned twenty one. Okay, maybe things aren’t so good right now. But you can’t blame yourself for that. You just need time to get back up and that’s okay.

“Besides, it’s not all sunshine and rainbows for everyone else. School’s stressful and Taehyun’s under a lot of pressure for his scholarship. Kai’s always worried about losing his viewers and Beomgyu thinks his band’s album only did well out of luck. We’re all going through something. Yeah, we’re all moving at different paces but none of us are that far apart from one another. You’re not alone, hyung.” 

Yeonjun shut his eyes in shame at the younger’s words. Of course, he’d been too clouded by his own struggles to realize that his own friends were struggling too. 

“I just felt really left behind,” Yeonjun said in a small voice, “like everyone else had good things in their lives and I had nothing.” 

“You don’t have nothing,” Soobin repeated, “you have us, your family. I mean, isn’t music always there too?” 

He didn’t respond but made a tiny nod with his head. Soobin smiled a bit, his eyes squinting as he could feel the raindrops seep into his eyes uncomfortably. 

“You’re all drenched too now,” Yeonjun chastised, reaching a hand up to ruffle Soobin’s wet hair. 

Soobin shrugged, an easy grin tugging at his lips. 

“It’s okay. At least we’re drenched together.” 

Yeonjun let out a small laugh as he shook his head, using both the palms of his hand to rub off the never ending droplets on Soobin’s cheeks. The younger boy stared back, frozen by Yeonjun’s sudden move. He stared with wide eyes as Soobin felt his cheeks flush. 

Coughing loudly, Soobin made a fuss while moving to stand up. 

  
“Come on, hyung, let’s go home now.”

Soobin offered his hand to the blonde. 

Luckily, Yeonjun took it. Besides, he knew he wasn’t alone. He could never be alone, not when Soobin was always waiting with him ever so patiently. The thought warmed Yeonjun to his core, even in the ice cold rain the both of them ran under. 

  
  
  



End file.
